brainFART

Of a 2550+ day residency, I have 24 days left.

I am on call for 14 of those days.

Nice.

Kieran on the island of Molokai…

(I wrote this a while back when I was on research, but for whatever reason, it never got published. So here it is.)

Those of you who have never been inside a modern 21st century men’s room may have no idea what I’m talking about, but that’s okay, because that’s why I’m writing this.  As some of you may know, “receptacles” in men’s rooms are typically divided into two types: those you stand in front of and those on which you sit.  Common knowledge, right?

But did you know that the receptacles that require standing, called “urinals” here for convenience (because I have no clue what they’re really called), are typically offered at different heights?

Sure, that makes sense, you might say: one for adults and one for children.  But if you look at it, it seems rather high for a child.  Well, then, you might argue, one is for tall people and one is for short people.  Okay, but I consider myself a short person and I can use the tall urinal without needing a footstool or ladder.

So what’s the deal? I’m not sure, but there is a phenomenon associated with male urination termed “splashback.”  As your bladder contracts, urine is forced outward and shaped into a stream.  When it contacts a porcelain surface, the stream is disrupted and depending on the angle of attack, is redirected either into the urinal or back onto your pants.  This is why I prefer the shorter urinal: splashback is minimized.  When I use the taller urinal, sometimes there is so much splashback that I wonder why I bother using the men’s room.  I might as well have just wet my pants.  At least that way, when people look at me and say, “Gee, Kenny, it looks like you wet your pants,” I can say, “That’s because I did,” instead of trying to explain the splashback phenomenon without looking like an idiot.

Plus, low urinals can be used the other way around, too.  

I think daylight savings is going to go into effect soon, but I can never remember the dates. I know that there’s a mnemonic for remembering whether you turn your clocks forward or backward, but it seems confusing to me.

Spring forward, fall back.

Or is it fall forward, spring back?

I’ve done both: fallen forward and fallen backward; I’m not sure how we’re supposed to remember which way is the right way to fall. And I’ve definitely sprung back as well as forward. Isn’t there an animal called the springback? Or is it springbuck?

So much for mnemonics.

My son has begun telling jokes, whether he realizes it or not.

Lori and I are trying to instill a sense of etiquette into Kieran by asking him to say, “excuse me, please” or “move, please” when people are in his way.

The other day, I was recuperating on the sofa. One of his toys was behind the sofa and it was obvious that it was important to him that he have it in his hand immediately. A potted plant was blocking his way and so he tried to push it out of the way, grunting and making all sorts of noises. When the plant refused to budge, he stopped.

“Excuse me, tree,” he said.

I busted out laughing.

Needless to say, the plant did not move. Kieran gets gold stars on his forehead, however, for being polite.

This was Kieran’s third Halloween. This year, he dressed up as a lion! He even had a tail.

Last year, he was a dragon of some kind.