Here's a collection of random thoughts, quotes, and stories that I've collected throughout my life. Some are funny, others aren't, and all should be taken with more than one grain of salt (preferably two). Enjoy.

"If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done."
- Anonymous

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"Attack me if you dare, I will crush you!!"
- Ken, Street Fighter II

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IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY:

Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly began to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to the earth in a barnyard, almost frozen to death. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy and able to breathe, he started to sing. At that moment, a large cat walked by and hearing the chirping, decided to investigate. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.

MORALS:
1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.
3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

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"A hungry man's gotta at least look at food."
- Ben Lin

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This is a funny animated GIF illustrating the paucity of good Japanese-English translators for Nintendo.
Click here to see it!

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"I believe in getting into hot water. I think it keeps you clean."
- G. K. Chesterton

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"Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius."
- Georges Louis Leclerc de Buffon

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"No problem is so big or so complicated that it can't be run away from."
- Charles Schultz

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"The happiest part of a man's life is what he passes lying awake in bed in the morning."
- Samuel Johnson

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"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today, you can do it again tomorrow."
- Anonymous

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"I have so much to do that I am going to bed."
- Savoyard proverb

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CATNAPPING AROUND THE CLOCK

According to legend, Leonardo da Vinci accomplished all he did because of his strange sleeping schedule - a 15-minute catnap every 4 hours for a grand total of 1 1/2 hours of sleep daily.
After conducting a series of sleep experiments, researcher Claudio Stampi of Boston's Institute for Circadian Physiology concluded that Leonardo was on to something - those with the shortest sleep episodes performed better. But, Stampi also concluded, most of us wouldn't know what to do with all that extra time: "We're not all Leonardos."

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"After all is said and done, more is said than done."
- Anonymous

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"Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something."
- Anonymous

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"The day will happen whether or not you get up."
- Anonymous

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"The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none."
- Thomas Carlyle

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"Man combs his hair every morning ... why not his heart?"
- Chinese proverb

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"Enjoy yourself - it's later than you think."
- Chinese proverb

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"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."
- William Dement

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"The brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get into the office."
- Robert Frost

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"All of the animals except man know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it."
- Samuel Butler

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"Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in."
- H. R. Haldeman

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"One good turn, and you have most of the bed covers."
- Elaine C. Moore

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"I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches."
- Alice Longworth Roosevelt

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"Don't look back; something might be gaining on you."
- Satchel Paige

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"Don't waste your time looking back; your eyes are in the front of your head."
- Anonymous

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"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. Even smaller minds discuss themselves."
- Unknown

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